Fear of Driving?

How do we learn to get from point A to point B?  I mean in cars, going places, making plans, independent of our parents, sure in our own minds we can figure it all out, even if we miss the exit, even if the directions on MapQuest don't quite cut the mustard?  Don't we just grab hold of the spirit embedded in that by now pervasively famous Nike imperative and "Just DO It?!"

My eldest daughter took today off from work.  I think she wanted to go where the wind took her without feeling rushed or pushed or pulled.  Between her full-time secretarial job during the week and her part-time hostessing job during the weekend, her schedule has been a bit packed.  I'm proud of her for sticking with it all so admirably.  She actually walked the 1-mile route I take the dog on each morning with me; I enjoyed her company.  After a few chores and showering , we met up at Starbuck's for beverages and chit-chat.  And, then she asked for directions to a town not far from here but requiring a series of turns and exits to reach.  That's where the trouble began.

My explanation of general directions did not meet with her comfort level.  I couldn't name the exact exit  to the shopping area she wanted, but told her it was easy enough to recognize.  Furrowing her brow in worry, she said I should just go with them.  I told her I needed to write.  She could find it, I was quite sure.  She felt her boyfriend should drive because she was uncomfortable not knowing exactly how to arrive at her desired destination.  He hemmed and hawed a bit, mumbling something about her chewing him out if it all went wrong, making it clear his internal compass wasn't clear on the way to the promised land, either.

"I'll make you nervous IF I drive," I heard her announce to him.

"You make me nervous WHEN you drive," was his reply.

I sat in silence for a moment.  Mulling over this dilemma.  It sounded as if the thrust of her entire day off was about to go askew over her lack of confidence in finding this right-off-the-highway town.

"You know, there's no need to stress over this.  If you take the wrong exit, just return to the main road.  Try again.  You can get yourself where you need to be without mom or a boyfriend.  People do it all the time.  No need to rely on everyone else to tell you where you need to be.  Trust yourself to drive.  It's okay," she seemed to hear me, "Really.  Just go.  Don't panic if you get lost.  You aren't ever THAT lost."  Be encouraged, girl, I thought to myself.  C'mon!

I didn't want her to continue to accept this idea about herself.  I could see her life unrolling before her through the years, limiting her driving to wherever her boyfriend or husband thought she should or could drive, never allowing herself to try and gain the confidence to venture out on her own.  I have an uncle who used to tell his wife of many years that she didn't have what it took to drive on the highway.  Because she was already anxious about it, having only learned to drive in her late forties, she deferred to his opinion and her distrust of her abilities only grew.  What she needed was his encouragement in her growing skills as a new driver.  That's not what she got.  It was such a shame, I felt, to see a hardworking, deserving, strong woman in so many other ways, falter right at freedom's door.

But, to be honest, this isn't all about driving, is it?  It's about fear.  It's about life.  And the relationship between the two.  Fear should never be the driving factor in life.  No pun intended.  As a woman on the brink of full-fledged maturity, my wish is to see her walk out on those wobbly young adult legs and strengthen their muscles, loosen their joints, test and challenge their stride.  She gains momentum with each baby step.  Before we all know it, she'll pass through the halls of higher learning and grab on to that degree in the allied health field which will lead to a secure paycheck in the field of ultrasonography.

It all starts with her taking the wheel of that black Honda Civic, jumping onto 840, veering off at the I-65 junction, and exiting in Cool Springs at Mallory Lane.  She can watch for the signs.  Ask for help if necessary.  And grab a few items from Whole Foods for her mom.