A 'Fan'-tastic Story

A funny thing happened on the way to the movie theater last Friday night.  My husband and I are waiting in line with our expensive tickets to be allowed entry to the latest and greatest.  An animated young woman of indiscriminate mousy blondeness and average build noticed we answered the call to the same showing as her.  "Are you here to see 'Eclipse?'" she queried as she fell in step with us down the darkened hall.  Our affirmative reply had barely escaped our lips before she set in once again, "This is my anniversary.  Tonight is my 30th time seeing it.  Have you seen it before?"  All of this was delivered in a rapid-fire monologue that she would keep up for the next 20 minutes, stopping only to hear my questions or comments.  Not that either of us had any idea that this was to be our immediate future.

"Are you prone to motion sickness or migraine headaches.  If not, if you really want to SEE the movie, FEEL like you're right there with Bella and Jake and everyone else, I'll tell you where the best seat in the house is," our uninvited companion declared as she pointed to the very front row in the small theater, "Right there!  You should really sit there!"  We politely declined, laughingly pointing out that our older necks couldn't handle it, "But you sit there and enjoy your 30th!"

She didn't take the hint.  Following us to our seats, middle ones with the center aisle in front of us, this eager fan leaned on the metal rail and prattled on, "As I said, I'm from Forks.  Been here only two weeks.  It seems so dry here compared to Washington."  Forks is the real-life town which is the setting for the fictional vampire-werewolf romance movie series of which tonight's is the third installment.  Ah, I guess, this one needs attention.  Even as I thought this, her 'Eclipse' t-shirt clad self found its way into the chair next to me.  There was a good 15 minutes between now and the start of the film.  There was no way she was watching the entire thing sitting next to us, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to listen to her for a few more minutes.  This kind of thing doesn't exactly happen every day.

As she launched into her personal story on how she ended up at MTSU -- our branch of the Tennessee State University -- for the criminology or forensic studies (can't remember which), my husband excused himself for the restroom.  I knew he expected to find our new friend entrenched in the front row of the theater by the time he returned.  My desires were similar and heartfelt.  But an emptied bladder later, my date arrived to find that the only thing gone was almost half a bag of our large popcorn!

After a particularly energetic soliloquy on how she met the actress Jenny Garth and her children -- Jenny is married to the actor who plays the 'father' vampire -- and actually handed a donut to the youngest, "Like, it was a moment, you know?  It's not every day someone gives a donut to a famous person's kid!" our long-winded storyteller stopped to drink from her water bottle.  Politely staring to the left, grinning at my husband, I felt his elbow jab my ribs, once, twice.  I realized she was still drinking.  Chugging vigorously with her head fully tilted back, bottle upended, bubbles glug-glug-glugging, until it was all gone.  "I was a touch thirsty.  There's more where that came from.  I'll down three entire bottles before the movie is over."

Finally, finally, evidently confident that she had divulged every tidbit of information concerning how Forks had been affected by the influx of fans from the 'Twilight' series, how her best friend had a great job as a tour guide at $50 a pop, how they were allowed to watch on set in exchange for making coffee runs for certain stars who were not at their best without constant steaming mugs in their possession, how Bella Swan is paged at the high school every day, how she learned something new with every viewing, and how she felt a connection to the characters because of all this, our fair lady of the frenzied confab bid us adieu.  But not before promising to find out what we thought of the movie at the end.  "Remember to watch for the bed scene!  You'd never know she was throwing up in between takes.  She's a pro!"

For the next two hours plus, we were gloriously alone in Forks, Washington with Bella, Jacob, and Edward.  Jimmy napped off and on.  I watched, for the most part interested, squirming in my uncomfortable seat toward the end.  Eventually, the final scene came and went, the credits rolled, and we giggled over the vast amounts of popcorn and candy we had consumed during this highly extolled but somewhat lackluster flick.

And true to her word, 'Twilight' purse swinging from her shoulder, MTSU's newest student was waiting to poll us.  She listened and nodded and heard us out . . . and at the 'Y' in the hall, by the secondary concession stands which are hardly ever open, we parted ways with a wave and goodbye.  I'm not sure that either party really knows if Forks' actually lost a citizen recently to Murfreesboro, Tennessee or if the Internet and television allowed a lonely uber-fan enough information to create her own fantasy life within a life. 

Dare I risk paying $9 next summer to see 'Breaking Dawn' and find out?