Too Hot To Hand-le

I was on fire all last night and into the late morning on this Tuesday.  But not in any way that would benefit my husband or my blog or the patio pit in our back yard.  No, no, no.  My hands -- and anything they inadvertently touched -- were burning in the throes of healing power created by a popular analgesic creme meant to combat the discomfort of arthritis.

Here's what the packaging label says:  "Capsaicin, a naturally occurring substance derived from hot peppers, is a safe and effective topical analgesic for arthritis pain.  In fact, it is so effective that CAPZASIN is the number one recommended topical analgesic brand."  At this point, I wonder if Anaheim chili and habanero farmers are receiving kickbacks for getting their family and friends out to the headquarters of the 2009 Pharmacy Today Survey!  Due to the nature of capsaicin, a mild, tolerable burning and/or itching sensation may be experienced when the product is applied which may last up to 48 hours.  [It] typically diminishes with continued use, and is not a reason to discontinue using CAPZASIN.  The careful word selection employed with 'typically' should give the user pause; and 48 hours of burning and itching should be thoughtfully considered before investing in the expensive 1.5 ounce tube.  And what would be a good reason for discontinuing use?  When actual flames appear at the fingertips?

The tube itself states that, and I love this piece of writing, "a transient burning sensation may occur upon application but generally disappears after SEVERAL days."  Now, I don't know about you, but SEVERAL says at least three 24-hour periods to me!  Not to mention that 'generally' sounds a whole lot like 'typically.'  And 'transient?!'  As if the effect wanders about homeless, needing a place to stay for a time, hoping it could perhaps rest a bit on my skin, where it is further pointed out that "warm or hot water, direct sunlight or exposure to heat may increase the likelihood of burning and itching . . . if you experience blistering, contact your doctor."  I can add that that FRICTION, say where one used exposed achy hands which won't rinse clean after repeated attempts with soap, including the suggested dishwashing liquid and cooking oil at room temperature -- wouldn't want one's fingers becoming jalapeno poppers -- to apply foot lotion where sock and walking shoe meet, most definitely increases the actual transient burning sensation, too.

What is quite striking in its inherent wisdom is that the tube directions state that "if severe burning occurs, discontinue use immediately and read important information printed INSIDE CARTON."  What?  INSIDE the carton?!  You mean, rip the packaging apart and the real information unfolds . . . but only AFTER experiencing severe burning can one be privy to such secret stores?  That's where the user finds out the plant origin of capsaicin, though this user already knew and would have been wise to recall the evening she spent with both five-alarm hands soaking in milk after peeling dozens of roasted chili peppers because she saw her mother-in-law and cousin do so with no ill effects; learns more in-depth about side effects and the rare sensitivities of some individuals; and discovers handy tips which might have saved certain users of the product from a sleepless night!  I'll leave you with one more dose of sagacity from the makers of this deep penetrating, high potency cream: 0.1% to be exact.

"Wear gloves to apply or, if medicine comes into contact with hands, "my hands are the area on my body where I need relief! "wash with water to avoid spreading to the eyes or other sensitive areas of the body  . . . "If you are using CAPZASIN on your hands, allow 30 minutes for it to penetrate before washing."  Now THAT particular nugget of instruction would have been quite handy (no pun intended) last night!  My red palms had me up in an hour after application.  And the hour after that.  And after that.

This morning, I washed and washed.  They still burned.  And my face burned after I applied ProActiv cleanser with my hot little fingers.  In the shower as I was reaching for the Summer's Eve, I suddenly recalled the 'avoid mucous membranes and sensitive areas' and left it on the shelf.  Before I dressed in my Nike shorts uniform of the day, my poor husband had to practically powder his bride of 21 years like a newborn baby!  (Well, can you blame a gal for not wanting to chafe during the course of her hot-weather walk?  And what would be the point of no chafing but plenty of burning?!  And remember that friction and heat intensify the effects.  He had no choice!)

This bit of heated domestic drama has opened my eyes.  As a pretty consistent label reader, I realize I've become a bit slack and don't fully absorb information . . . though it appears I absorb capsaicin just fine.  That was to my detriment this time.  It could be to your detriment next time.  Be careful about allowing me to administer any healing aids on your behalf if ever I am in a position to play nursemaid for you.  And, I send the gentle admonishment to read the container label AND the packaging label before taking or applying any health aids.  Take it from this hottie!

Plus, I'm back to Aspercreme for my achy joints.  Regis Philbin would be so proud.